I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
