Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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