My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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