things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
