I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
