pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
