Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
