yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
