What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
