Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
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Just invented taco cereal.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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