and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
