I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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