I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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