My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
PANTIES FOUND
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
