So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
