Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i barfeds in our rink
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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