dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
