not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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