It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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