it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
smell my finger.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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