Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
