i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
