Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
