Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
