just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
