happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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