i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
