my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
