I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
did i just pee glitter
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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