I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
