that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
