remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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