what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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