The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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