addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
