6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So apparently I’m into choking now
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