I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
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