We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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