It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
