Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
