just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
