Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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