I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
