I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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