god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
