I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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