K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
