operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i drank out of a bidet.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
