i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
