I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
