i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
