I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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