whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
