Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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