i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
