I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
kristin has been a bad kristin
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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