Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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