just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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