I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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