i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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