dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
