Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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