well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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