worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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