Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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