So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
